the awful truth

Sometimes it does hurt when we know the truth..The awful truth. I used to 'like' truths and now,to be honest,it really gets into my nerve. It's like swallowing a big gulp into my throat and the heart beats so fast. Really hate the suspense.

We are still human beings. Humans need companions.Part of survival.
Kinda sad when the feelings are so true being betrayed.Till now the scars are still bleeding. I just cannot get things over.Why? Is the feeling too strong till i cant resist it any longer? Betrayed by friends,loved ones and others. It is so hard to accept the 'awful truth'. I am becoming so much different from the previous. I barely see kindness in people.i treat people surround me 'just like that'. I become more selfish even though i always pray that i will not be...does selfish a good thing? Sadly to say, i am so sad in the inside. The pain is still fresh..It's so vivid in my mind. I did many stuff to make me happier than before such as watched movies with my siblings,eat delicious food,online,drawing,driving in great speed and 'faking' myself.It's very very hurt when i realise the 'awful; truth' is always following behind me. It's like a 'dark shadow of me'.


I am too hurt until i became someone that i barely know myself. i do realise that i am not knowing myself very well yet. How much i tried many ways to get to know the real me,it ended very sad. Guess,I've been pushing myself so hard on this.Being so perfect and love to challenge myself to be the best...and no one cant compare me. Pride of me is there. I am so tired being so good to people...cause it hurt all before. I have had enough.

I need time to know myself.Yes! I do know what i want in my life..I wanna know the inner me well so that my life won't be in a confusion box..It's so murky in here..